The Poultry Rout of the Marble Plaza
Battlefield: the ruins of an abandoned city · 7 Oct 2026 · Ranked
Massed Poultry Swarm
10,000 chickens led by one unusually smart rooster. They peck, they scatter, and there are a LOT of them.
Roman Cohort Combat Group
A Roman cohort of 480 veteran legionaries with large scutum shields, pila and gladii, drilled in the testudo formation, supported by 2 scorpion bolt-throwers and commanded by hardened centurions.
ROUND 1 — THE ONLY ROUND
The massed flock surges through crumbling colonnades with a deafening cacophony, but the legionaries snap into testudo formation—shields locked, impenetrable—and the chickens' frenzied pecking accomplishes nothing against burnished steel and leather. A single volley from the scorpion bolt-throwers tears through the densest clusters, and the rooster's desperate rallying cries dissolve into panicked squawks as the birds stampede over one another, abandoning all pretence of organisation. The Romans advance methodically through the ruins, their gladii flashing in the dusty light as they cull the fleeing flock with clinical efficiency, turning the marble plaza into a chaotic abattoir of feathers and regret.
» The last rooster stands alone atop a fractured pedestal, wings raised in defiance, before a scorpion bolt punches through its chest.
THE WAR ORACLE'S VERDICT
This is a decisive Roman victory. Although the chickens outnumber the legionaries by over 20:1, they lack the capacity to harm armoured, organised soldiers. The legionaries form testudo, and the chickens' pecks inflict negligible damage against scutum shields and military-grade armour. The scorpion bolt-throwers rake the bird formation, causing mass casualties and panic. The Romans methodically advance through the ruins, shepherding and slaughtering the terrified poultry. The rooster's slight intelligence cannot overcome the total disparity in combat capability.
- Heavy Roman armour negates chicken attacks almost entirely
- Scorpion bolt-throwers cause devastating losses in massed flock
- Disciplined Roman formation prevents encirclement or rout
- Chickens lack any means to harm trained legionaries
MVP: The scorpion bolt-throwers' devastating barrage
Over nine thousand chickens lay slain across the city's ancient stones. The legionaries emerge with barely a scratch, their armour unscathed, their formation unbroken, and their evening meal secured.